i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
