Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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