So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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