He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
