please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
