I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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