I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
