32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
