Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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