I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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