from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
