I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
