my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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