It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
