dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me