Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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