sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize