I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
