So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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