What a fucking waste of an outfit
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
as a side note pls kill me
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