When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Two words: nipple clamps
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