Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
