Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
