so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
