Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
