We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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