im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
