Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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