dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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