Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
