kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
