I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
