I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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