My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
