sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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