he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
