If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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