I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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