allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
