Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why do cheetos always look like penises
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
