Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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