the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga