Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I pooped in a mop bucket.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  WTF???

  (512): View more from Texas

  Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

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  (512): I pooped in a mop bucket. (1-512): WTF??? (512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that http://tfl.nu/ww1k
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (670)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

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  (646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. http://tfl.nu/fqyo
  Replies (26) Good night (9195) Bad night (1348)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.

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  (540): Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring. http://tfl.nu/sgce
  Replies (18) Good night (1139) Bad night (3497)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!

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  (913): I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?! http://tfl.nu/fugu
  Replies (67) Good night (1970) Bad night (4633)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

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  (312): I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy http://tfl.nu/tu8r
  Replies (7) Good night (2920) Bad night (1164)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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  (270): I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy. http://tfl.nu/gapv
  Replies (28) Good night (5396) Bad night (1034)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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  (832): The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas http://tfl.nu/fiou
  Replies (8) Good night (2173) Bad night (781)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.

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  (902): I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits. http://tfl.nu/t5fo
  Replies (6) Good night (2387) Bad night (557)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Found the puke drawer

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  (910): Found the puke drawer http://tfl.nu/lcvb
  Replies (6) Good night (519) Bad night (1766)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead

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  (512): Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead http://tfl.nu/k2d6
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (470)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?

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  (816): Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone? http://tfl.nu/wu6u
  Replies (6) Good night (861) Bad night (400)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis

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  (306): I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis http://tfl.nu/jni6
  Replies (5) Good night (1197) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.

  (858): View more from California

  I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.

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  (224): I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman. (858): I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect. http://tfl.nu/7efm
  Replies (3) Good night (817) Bad night (422)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.

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  (314): Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame. http://tfl.nu/omwv
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...

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  (908): There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere... http://tfl.nu/vrgz
  Replies (3) Good night (432) Bad night (209)

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