Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

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(773): Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes. http://tfl.nu/41f8

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(914): View more from New York

getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.

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(914): getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/b9qd

Replies (60) Good night (920) Bad night (6220)
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(314): View more from Missouri

There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.

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(314): There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign. http://tfl.nu/jmkr

Replies (36) Good night (922) Bad night (5971)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.

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(989): I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance. http://tfl.nu/0t4j

Replies (5) Good night (1063) Bad night (3816)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard

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(708): I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard http://tfl.nu/i4gj

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?

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(615): Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER? http://tfl.nu/yz8w

Replies (14) Good night (5617) Bad night (1317)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.

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(302): Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace. http://tfl.nu/xnkm

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(909): View more from California

I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.

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(909): I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus. http://tfl.nu/h461

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(240): View more from Maryland

I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.

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(240): I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/cwl9

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(661): View more from California

This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.

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(661): This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas. http://tfl.nu/nydy

Replies (4) Good night (852) Bad night (562)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not

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(309): Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not http://tfl.nu/hh6g

Replies (0) Good night (321) Bad night (490)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.

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(724): In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude. http://tfl.nu/8jyj

Replies (0) Good night (805) Bad night (346)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just told a bottle to be chill

(604): View more from British Columbia

and meant it

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(604): I just told a bottle to be chill (604): and meant it http://tfl.nu/uxaa

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(469): View more from Texas

That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.

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(469): That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it. http://tfl.nu/pmo7

Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (343)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker

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(617): well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker http://tfl.nu/t0fs

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