You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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