Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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