Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
