Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
