and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
