What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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