so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
false alarm. still invincible.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
