I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
