Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
