you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just pee around me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
