Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
