you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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