so that wasnt chicken after all
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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