So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
