super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
