A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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