That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
