I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
