And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize