just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize