This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
