guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
