k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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