The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize