oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
