Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
