Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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