I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
