You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
