I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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