We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk is not a location!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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