His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
