You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
