We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
