And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
