when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
