just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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