Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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