I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
