i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
