The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
