you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
