i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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