seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
