I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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